Looking back now she can see the battle she once lived was one yearning to be seen, seeking to be chosen, and overcompensating for a wounded view of herself. Most days were spent desperately looking for a way to be ok in this world of vulnerability and the inherent risks in “the unknown.”

Struggling to hold onto a facade all around her, in an effort to protect herself from an endless battle that appeared to be on the outside, she realized how tired she was from the sheer will it took to face another day.

Having been oblivious to the fact that she fought only against herself, she was suddenly shocked to see shades of herself battling in a “me against them” mindset.

The revelations were hard to believe and difficult to accept, yet they were also viscerally confirmed inside her body and there was no way to go back.

Once she walked around unbound from her self-perceived flaws, a new understanding began to pour out of her. Potentials, once disguised as daydreams and imaginings her mind made up, revealed themselves as desire emerging from inside her heart.

What used to require so much effort she could not sustain it, became effortless.

What once felt obscure, suddenly offered profound clarity.

The available energy and her untroubled heart and mind became a channel of receptivity.

As the façade she had unknowingly erected around her was dismantled, she became familiar with a self that at first glance seemed to be deformed and disfigured in grotesque ways, yet then stole her breath in surprise, as she realized how beautiful her soul actually was.   

And now, she is fueled by something invisible and so potent, it pulses alive inside her.